I feel like a major dork posting anything by Dr. Phil, but these do kind of make sense... ;)

1. Have a defined “image” and never go out of character.
• You must know both yourself and how to present yourself.
2. Create a perception of uniqueness.
• Choose to define your image so that you distinguish yourself from anyone else in the world.
3. Play “big,” not just long.
• Playing big is different than playing long because even reliable and competent people that play long seldom win big, if at all.
4. Learn to claim and accept praise, and acknowledge it in a gracious way, but do accept it.
• The goal is to get noticed and acknowledged for who you are and what you do.
5. Become “essential.”
• If you want to succeed in any situation, it is important to be needed and good to be relied upon.
6. Know your real currency.
• Don’t waste time working for what you don’t want.
7. Always, always have a plan.
• If you want to achieve a sustained measure of success in any area of your life, you need a specific plan that begins with identifying what you want.
8. Keep things “close to the vest.”
• To be interesting you have to maintain a certain degree of mystery, because it gives you a degree of mastery.
9. Always be in investigatory mode.
• You have to constantly be gathering relevant information that may empower you to do and achieve what you desire.
10. Must “stretch” and behave your way to success, even if it feels like “fake it until you make it.”
• Have confidence and be bold enough to stretch yourself, scramble to close the gap if one exists, and grow into new opportunities.
11. Always keep your options open.
• It is important to always leave yourself a face-saving way out.
12. Always master the system and figure a way to make it work for you.
• You can gain distinct advantage if you know the game better than anybody else.
13. Create a passionate nucleus of supporters.
• Surround yourself with people who share your passion and vision, and support your pursuit of your goals.
14. Deal only with the truth.
• You must resolve to never fail to acknowledge if you have a problem or are in some kind of toxic situation that is draining your life energy.
15. Recognize and use the ego and greed of others to create a path to success.
• If you want acceptance and to be heard and well-regarded, you can create receptivity by being sensitive to your listener’s ego.
16. Pick your battles and never let your opponent have control.
• Never put yourself in an untenable position by picking a battle that you don’t need to fight and don’t know with great certainty that you can win.

The biggest lesson I've learned (and am still learning) in life is simply to trust my own intuition. I've never been very good at trusting my feelings before. I'm sure you could sit me down and psychoanalyze me to try and figure out why this is the case, but does it really even matter why? I just never paid very much attention to them. Trust me, I had feelings, and they would come out quite explosively on certain occasions, but I just never put very much stock into them. Instead, I put my trust in cold, hard facts. I would analyze situations ad nauseam trying to figure out what was "right" and what was "wrong," as if nothing in this world comes in shades of grey, only black and white. Even if my feelings were screaming that something wasn't right for me, if I couldn't find any empirical evidence to verify my feelings, I would promptly dismiss them.

I've realized through hard experience that this way of thinking can only get you so far in life. I know it's kept me from exercising my creativity to its fullest potential, left me paralyzed with fear over other peoples' opinions (because if I won't trust my own opinions, I'm left with only the opinions of others), but perhaps most of all, I'm convinced it's left me completely handicapped when it comes to dealing with relationships.

For example, I'll meet someone and analyze them as if they were a cell in a petri dish. "Is he a good person?" I'll ask myself. Well, he did "this," "this" and "this" to me. Therefore, evidence seems to suggest that he is a good person and still worth seeing. (I kid you not, this is roughly the way I would look at things.) I would look at each of the person's actions individually, deciding whether any of them were "deal breakers" or not. He talks to many different women? He appears to be extremely vain? He seems to lack a strong degree of empathy? I would focus on these types of questions without ever stopping to consider how I actually felt about the person. Did I feel good around them? Did I feel happy thinking about this person? Did I feel like I could be myself around them? Was I constantly hit with a strong sense of "No, no, no! This person is bad for you!" when I was around them or thought of them?

I think these questions are immeasurably important and can steer you in the right direction far better than analyzing what the person looks like "on paper." I believe that if someone intends to hurt you or is being in some way disingenuous with you, your gut will always let you know. It's when you look at the action without listening to your gut that you risk being manipulated.

My gut has never been wrong before, yet I've still chosen to ignore it. But, that was the past, and I have no control over it now. The important thing is I'm learning. I feel it very strongly in my gut, for example, that the person I most recently went on a date with is wrong for me. This time, instead of analyzing what he did, said or didn't do or say, I'm just going to listen to my gut and let it all go...

When I dislike someone else and/or believe they are hurting me, it is really my own thoughts about that person that are doing the damage. It's true that person may be doing or saying objectively hurtful things to me and it may be in my best interests to remove myself from further encounters with them, but it is ultimately only the thoughts I continue to entertain in my head about them that bring me down.

The beauty of this truth is that no matter how someone else treats me, I can choose how I react. I don't have to let it hurt me. If I change my mindset, my experience will change.

I can choose to be happy no matter how someone else is treating me. I have that power. This is MY world. MY reality.

Source

This moment is the only moment you ever have to take care of.

What we think of as "the future" only ever comes to us as the present moment.

Life becomes so simple when we realize that all we ever need to confront and respond to occurs in this moment alone. Nothing else exists. Future does not exist. Only this -- this moment, these surroundings, these current thoughts and feelings -- exists.

And when there is no future, fear disappears. There is nothing to be fearful of in the present moment. If a threatening situation presents itself, only swift consideration and response is required; there is no time for fear.

Condense all that you believed your life to encompass, including your past and your illusory future, to this very moment.

Only this requires your attention and consideration. How will you choose to respond to your life (which is only ever this moment) knowing this truth?

Is it true that I need you to desire me? Is it true that if you do desire me, some kind of miracle will occur and I will finally feel complete and happy?

I am slowly starting to realize that nothing internally actually changes when someone I want to like me does. I'm left with the same exact mind as the one I started with, the same exact "problems." I'm not fulfilled as a person, my life isn't complete, nor does life itself suddenly become easy for me to handle. As I said before, this mind that I must learn to live with and, dare I say, eventually learn to love, is exactly the same. Isn't it really our own minds that we hope will change as a result of someone liking us? Maybe we're unconsciously hoping that if that other person likes us, then we'll like us too...

My crush sent me a text last night that said, "I want you." Point blank. Of course, nothing really happened, at least on the inside where it really matters, as a result. Sure, I was giddy for a moment, but surprisingly quickly, the giddiness wore off and the same "problems" and worries from before were quick to take its place. Even the feeling of giddiness I experienced was a reaction born in my own mind in response to an external stimulus, i.e., the text. In other words, I gave myself that experience of giddiness; I just have easily could have thought, "He only wants me? I need him to love me!" and given myself an experience of frustration and despair rather than giddiness. The point is, I am the one responsible for my own state of being. I, and no one else, am the one in power here. I can choose how to respond to what goes on around me. I can choose to be fulfilled as a single woman, or I can choose to be fulfilled in a relationship. The choice is mine.

I can choose to treat myself with patience, compassion and understanding and focus on the beauty in the world around me, or I can choose to hate myself and everything around me for not meeting some unrealistic ideal in my head - the original source of which God only knows. Whether or not I'm in a relationship makes no difference. I can just as easily hate myself and be miserable while in a relationship as I can on my own. Judging from past experience, it's actually been more difficult for me to see the world clearly and positively when I've been in a relationship than when I haven't. The drama of the relationship honestly served as just another roadblock to me accepting and surrendering to the present moment. Many times, it was just more peaceful for me to be single.

I think it's human nature to experience a positive moment with someone and assume that the other person is the source of the happiness within us. Thinking this, we latch onto that person and become afraid of losing them. What we fail to realize is that the source of our happiness is not the other person but inside ourselves. It was our reaction (i.e., our thoughts) in response to that person or situation that created a feeling of happiness within us. If we had been having a "bad day" that day, that happy experience could have been a disastrous one.

The question really becomes, how do we change our thinking? How do we increase the number of positive reactions we experience and decrease the negative ones? Trying to associate with people and environments that have generated positive reactions within us in the past can work up to a point but is ultimately not a dependable means of increasing happiness. Circumstances change. People change. The same person that "made" us happy a week ago can "make" us mad the next.

Is there a way to feel peace regardless of external circumstances? That is what I am hoping to find out...

How to Express Your Creative Potential

By Cheryl Richardson

I’m a big fan of talent shows like The Voice (my current favorite), American Idol, and So You Think You Can Dance. I record the shows weekly (when each series airs) and I use them to motivate me to work out. I have a rule: I can watch a show as long as I’m moving on an exercise machine in our home gym.

I love these programs because I’m passionate about music, I love singing and dance, and I get so excited seeing people express their creativity and talent. Don’t you just love that moment of magic when a performer seems to transcend time and space and become one with the audience and their art? Just think of Michael Jackson dancing in Thriller and you’ll know what I mean.

I also appreciate the fact that, more and more, these programs are showcasing the benefits of having a mentor or coach. The feedback delivers clues as to what it takes to bring our best to the game. The most common piece of advice is always the same: be yourself. The mentors on The Voice, for example, are always suggesting that the singers relax into who they are so they’re better able to shine from the inside out without worrying about what others think. Easier said than done, I know, especially when you’re in the vulnerable position of being on stage in front of judges!

The funny thing about being yourself is that you have to lose your self-consciousness – the habit of judging yourself – in order to do it. You need to become so immersed in the moment and within yourself, that you begin to channel your pure creative spirit. It’s in this empowered state that we’re able to not only do our best work, but also experience the blissful joy of creative expression. As we link up with the Divinity in the present moment, we naturally connect with each other – the greater Oneness of all. That’s when the fun begins. Learning to be fully ourselves without concern for the reactions, judgments, or expectations of others is a life-long journey. Regardless of how confident and self-possessed you are there will always be times in life when you feel vulnerable and afraid to be yourself. That’s called living as a human being on planet earth .

The important thing to remember is that self-consciousness is about you - not other people. I made the mistake of thinking that my awkwardness on stage, for instance, was about my fear of how others might judge me. But, I learned that my self-consciousness was really my fear of judging myself once I got off stage. This is such an important piece of wisdom to understand (thank you Debbie Ford). I now have a blast on stage and, as a result, my audiences have fun learning, too.

The more you become your own best champion, supporter, cheerleader, and trusted confidant, the better able you’ll be to fully and joyfully express your blessed creativity. That’s when your art becomes more and more successful in the world.

It begins with treating yourself with love, respect, kindness, and compassion.

If you’d like to lose your self-consciousness and empower your creative spirit, start by answering the following questions:

What do you need to do (or stop doing), right now, to become a better friend and supporter of yourself?

What do you need to stop saying to yourself?

What kind of encouragement do you need?

Who do you need to spend more time with?

Who do you need to avoid?

The answers to these questions will get you started on the road to fuller self-expression in a way that feels good – really good.

"There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

Some thoughts on perfectionism from Brené Brown:

For some of us (including me), what I'm about to say is horrifying: Perfectionism is not about achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.

Most perfectionists (also including me) grew up being praised for achievement and performance in our grades, manners and appearance. Somewhere along the way, we adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. A ticker tape began to stream through our heads: Please. Perform. Perfect.

Healthy striving, meanwhile, focuses on you. It occurs when you ask yourself, "How can I improve?" Perfectionism keeps the focus on others. It occurs when you ask, "What will they think?" Research, unfortunately, shows that perfectionism hampers success and often leads to depression, anxiety, addiction and missed opportunities, due to fears of putting anything out in the world that could be imperfect or disappoint others. It's a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight. Another way to think about it? Consider Leonard Cohen's song "Anthem," which says, "There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

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