PROPER planking FTW! #itswhatArielwoulddo - Katy Perry via Twitter

More behind the scenes photos:

And the final shot:

I believe I've blogged before about how much I adore Miss Kika's incredibly cute artwork, but even if you aren't familiar with Miss Kika's style, I'm sure you will still enjoy watching the following video:

One of the best, if not the very best, proposal videos I've ever seen. I just had to post it. ;)

Yesterday was pretty eventful. I woke up at six in the morning, met my friend Laura at eight and then drove over to an eleven-bedroom Spanish-style mansion for a photoshoot. The first look was natural and for a new line of synthetic makeup brushes, while the other two were so "out there" I have no intention of posting the finished results to my Facebook Timeline. One of the more memorable aspects of the shoot was that Kim Vo from Bravo's show Shear Genius styled my hair for the two "out there" looks. I've never actually seen his show, but I was very impressed by how thoughtful and sweet he was. It's refreshing to meet someone that's experienced some degree of fame but hasn't let it go to their head.

Kim Vo

At the end of the shoot, someone that I have been interested in also called me for the first time. It is two hours ahead where he lives, so we were only able to speak for around forty minutes or so. I think the conversation went pretty well and he texted me afterwards to tell me he enjoyed talking to me. Still, I plan on taking this very, very slow. I've learned that nine times out of ten, people turn out to be completely different than the way they appeared after first meeting them. Anyone can put up a façade, and good-looking men seem to be especially adept at pretending they have substance. This time, I'm not giving a man my trust from the get-go; I'm making him earn it.

As for other areas of my life, I'm technically on a "leave of absence" from medical school, but will more than likely not be returning in the fall because I dislike it so much (and it's still, believe it or not, very hard for me to admit this). I'm living in a condominium by myself with my three-year-old, four-pound Maltese, Apple. A friend ended up acquiring five dogs due to a failed relationship and moving back in with her parents, so Apple needed a home. I'll post pictures of him one of these days. He's adorable and definitely one of the biggest joys of my life right now. As for work, I'm meeting with two brothers that, between them, are producers, vocal and piano coaches once a week to finally finish, record and produce the songs I've written. I have no idea where any of this will go (if anywhere), but I figure this is the time to at least try it out. By far the scariest thing I've ever done, so I'm just doing my best to take it day by day...

In less serious news, Hunger Games comes out on March 23rd! Who else is excited? I'm thinking of re-reading the first book before I see it. Also, can I just say, wow, these images of Peeta are perfect?!

I was unsure at first about his casting, but he's totally giving off a Peeta vibe here. ;)

Happy Tuesday, friends! I'm off to go and run a few errands... :)

I finally visited with a dermatologist yesterday, and I am so pleased that I did! It was my first time meeting her and she was much kinder and warmer than I was expecting. She addressed every one of my concerns, and I had several. Now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm very interested in preventative aging techniques. For a while, I had been using Neutrogena's Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream for Night, an anti-wrinkle cream containing retinol that I had read online was one of the best available at the drugstore:

Personally, I didn't notice any difference using the cream. Then again, I applied it only a few times a week rather than religiously every single night so that might have been to blame.

Still, I was interested in learning more about the prescription retinol creams available. I had heard about Tazorac, but according to my dermatologist, Tazorac is generally only used on people with oily skin. Since my skin is very normal, she told me the Tazorac would be too drying and irritating for me. Instead, she recommended Tretinoin:

The added benefit of using either Tazorac or Tretinoin is that it also treats acne in addition to fighting and preventing fine lines. I've never had a problem with acne, but I do get the occasional pimple on my T-Zone. I'm hoping the Tretinoin will enable me to kill two birds with one stone.

The other amazing thing about this prescription retinol cream is that it only cost me $15 with my insurance! I was expecting it to be much, much more. Neutrogena's Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream for Night that I was using cost about that much, and the Tretinoin bottle contains more product, is more effective for treating fine lines and also treats acne! To me, this is an absolute no-brainer.

If you're interested in treating your fine lines and wrinkles or are in your twenties and are interested in slowing the aging process, definitely consider a prescription retinol cream. I'm so glad I made the switch!  

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. One minute, I'm thrilled to finally be living my life more authentically and feeling hopeful for the future, and the next, I'm as depressed as can be. The specific thoughts that trigger my depressive mood are always the same: any thoughts related to medical school or to the person I still have unrequited feelings for...

Although I recognize that I don't truly want to be a physician, it still hurts hearing about others that are on that career path. The distorted thoughts that I am a failure and will never be as successful as them enter my head, and I, unsurprisingly, am left feeling terrible. It makes no sense. How am I a failure if I don't want to be a physician and because of this, decided to move on from something that wasn't going to make me happy? Furthermore, how is it a fact that someone, simply because he or she is a physician, will be more successful than me? Even if that person is more financially successful, success in life is not always measured by material wealth. If I became a physician and was financially successful but hated more than eight hours of every day of my life, how could I possibly be said to be living a successful life? The truth is, I would not have been successful had I become a physician - at least not in the most important sense of the word.

As for the second depressive mood trigger, I'm essentially allowing this person to decide how I feel about myself. He, in the end, did not consider me valuable enough to make time for, so I considered myself to not be valuable. I realize this is an unhealthy reaction to have, so I want to focus now on building my self-esteem. I want to consistently feel strong and "good enough," regardless of how poorly others treat me. If someone does not value me, that does not mean I am not valuable. I am worthwhile simply because I am a human being but I am also, I believe, a genuinely good person. Furthermore, I am fortunate enough to not be unattractive, unintelligent or untalented. If someone cannot see this or insists on taking me for granted, that's their loss.

As for me, I think it would do me some good to remember this: if I am willing to put up with a man that does not appreciate me, I will end up with a man that does not appreciate me.

☐ Single ☐ Taken ☑ Mentally married to Robert Pattinson

lol ;P

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." - Walter Anderson

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." - Anna Quindlen

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby

A lot has happened since last night. I finally reached my breaking point. As I lay crying and shaking uncontrollably with my dad listening patiently on the other end of the phone, I actually asked him, "How do I make it through the next few hours?" You know you have reached rock bottom when the idea of surviving until the next morning seems impossible.

For the first time in what seems like my entire life, I was being truly honest with myself. It was both exhilarating and the scariest thing I've ever done. I was finally owning up to the fact that I do not have any desire whatsoever to be in medical school or to even be a physician. I always knew, deep down, that I felt this way, but I had pushed myself unrelentingly down this career path anyway. I had pushed myself into the ground until I was so miserable, I could barely function. I've lost weight, developed heartburn, and I can sleep well over twelve hours a night and still not feel rested the next day. I've transformed into a walking zombie, living with no hope and loathing every minute of every day spent in class or studying.

I really tried to find something in my classes that I found even remotely interesting or exciting, and I couldn't come up with a single thing. I even hated anatomy and my "Introduction to Patient Care" class where I learned how to take histories and physicals and gained experience working with patients. Even I could not ignore what a huge red flag this was.

One could try to argue that no one likes medical school, even those medical students that are the most promising. My response to this statement would be, even if that was true (which it's not), those students can see a light at the end of the tunnel. They are able to make sacrifices while in school because they know they are working towards becoming a physician, a goal they are passionate about. I never had that. I never truly wanted to be a physician and the idea of heading towards that destination filled me with a deep sense of dread and made me feel both trapped and hopeless. I was able to admit to myself last night that there honestly isn't a single medical specialty that I am the least bit interested in, let alone could see myself doing for the rest of my life.

As I studied for my cellular biology exam last night, the thought occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to find another subject in the entire world to read about that would be less interesting to me if I tried. That is literally how much I hate this material. (I felt the same way when I studied for biochemistry and, to a slightly lesser degree, anatomy and histology.)

I've known all along that I hate the sciences. My brain certainly does not naturally function in a "scientific manner." I absolutely hate rote memorization (which is 95% of medical school) and would much rather analyze, write and read language. Simply put, my brain has and always will be wired for the arts and the humanities. Again, I've secretly known this all along, but I buried my feelings and forced myself to do things that really weren't in my skill set. How I made it this far is truly astonishing, considering just how much I hate the sciences. It is also extremely sad that I've pushed myself for this long and spent the last six or seven years pursuing something I never really wanted in the first place.

Why, you may ask, then, did I do it? There were two major reasons. One, I'm a people-pleaser and always thought becoming a physician would please my family most. (What I wanted was obviously never that important to me.) Two, I am afraid of taking risks and of failure, so the idea of following the more or less "guaranteed path to success" of becoming a physician seemed like a safe career choice. Along with the second reason, if I'm being totally honest, the prestige of being a physician was also very attractive to me.

Clearly, these are not good enough reasons to become a physician. Had I continued lying to myself and forcing myself down this path, I honestly don't know what would have become of me. Last night, I was literally at my wit's end. I wanted to throw things. I was so depressed and so overwhelmed that I thought my heart might stop. Within the span of about thirty minutes, my head was throbbing, I could feel a sore throat developing, I was itching the skin on my hand until it was raw, and I was dry heaving. At that point I realized enough is enough. I couldn't do this to myself anymore. It shouldn't be this bad, and though I did not have a backup plan in mind (which, by the way, terrifies me), there must be something in this world I can do that I don't absolutely despise.

Since making the decision to withdraw from medical school, I have felt, more than anything, a tremendous amount of peace and relief. I've felt hope, which I can't remember having felt for a very long time. The world seems like a better place than it did before, and I no longer feel trapped in my own life. Though I don't know yet what career path I would like to pursue, I am excited at the possibility of finding a goal that I can be passionate about. I have to be prepared to experience a lot of ups and downs, however, in the next few months due to making this decision.

When all is said and done though, I don't believe I really even made a decision. It had all reached a point where I simply had no other choice.