Not the One

Hello, friends. I just finished a week-long orientation for medical school, am in a brand new city, and I'm about to begin classes on Monday. (I'll try to write a longer post about these very big life updates soon.)

For this post though, I would like to discuss another major life update - the ending of my relationship.

It's sad when someone that seemed to be the "entire package" can still not be enough. This person can come from a wonderful family, be successful, hardworking, intelligent and even very good-looking, but if he isn't "your rock," then the entire relationship is essentially a sham. If he can't talk about his feelings, is in any way afraid of commitment, can't make the tiniest bit of effort to be with you (and no, I don't care how busy he is), then he's not the one. At least not the one for me...

I could go on and on, but really, what else is there to say? I'm terribly disappointed, and I admit there were moments when I thought he could possibly even be "the one." However, it quickly became obvious as I was preparing to leave for medical school that he was not going to make me a priority after I left.

Knowing the day I would be leaving, he sent me an e-mail that morning. I promptly texted and e-mailed him back, but for the rest of that day and the next, I didn't hear a single word from him. I left without seeing him or even saying goodbye to him, and I was devastated. Even if he was up to his ears in work, he could have at least had the decency to send a short text to tell me what was going on. When I asked him during our last phone (and break-up) conversation why he hadn't sent me at least a text that day, he told me he didn't have a "good excuse."

The break-up part of the conversation began, by the way, when I admitted to him that I had lately been feeling like a burden to him. His work schedule was so hectic that I actually felt like I was imposing on him when I texted (and trust me, I texted, at the very most, only once a day).

I knew it was the end when he didn't disagree with me. I was a burden to him. He didn't have time for me, or at least that's the excuse he wanted me to believe...

Personally though, I believe that when all was said and done, he simply didn't care about me all that much. I mean, how could he have? Yes, I am aware of how busy he is, but no one is too busy to make contact at least once or twice a week with the person they are in a relationship with. No one. All excuses aside, if he cared about me enough, he would have tried to make it work. If you're lucky enough to find "the one," you don't let them go without a fight.

To add insult to injury, I just updated my status on Facebook to "single" and am now feeling particularly vulnerable because of it - for whatever reason, I felt like it just had to be done. It will be one of my ways of "moving on" I guess... (I've already tossed (and broken in half when possible) the few things he gave me. Ha.)

For my own future reference, here are several warning signs that I, in retrospect, should have been a lot more wary of:

1) He was an adrenaline junkie and completely reckless. He even did hard drugs for a long time (and still smoked marijuana and did acid on occasion).

2) He told me early on that he was holding himself back with me because he knew that I was leaving.

3) He didn't call me after he first met me. (I actually ended up texting him first to see if he was still interested because over a week had passed. That was my first mistake.)

4) I knew that his last relationship had ended because of his work schedule.

Honestly, there were so many signs that I don't even feel like taking the time to write them all out right now. It's already clear that I have to be smarter in my approach to relationships in the future and try not to allow my attraction for the person to get in the way so much... I have a tendency to settle for much less than I should and be way too accommodating.